I am an amateur in blogging. I always used to think why everyone blogs wasting their time posting articles that some may or may not read. But now I understand in this fast moving world of ours, the only way to tell something that you feel is through blogs. So let me start: I did my schooling upto 10th in Dubai – kind of a complete nerd with books and no friends. The rest of my academics was in India, to be more precise-Kerala. My life changed drastically when I was doing my pre-degree, because to me, the strangest part was that I ended up in a mixed school. Truth is, I had never talked to a girl before, as I had earlier been to a ‘boy’s only’ school. Man, it was really a new experience! My high school life in Kerala, though not so colorful, was the best time compared to rest of my school life abroad, mingled with innocent embarrassments.
The next phase was my college life and it was the part of my life that changed me forever. It taught me many things that I should have learned long ago. The first year of my college was as usual- small ragging and things. I was happy with my college, even though it was a government college. The fun of college life got to my head and by the end of the third semester, and as you can expect, I got a bag of supplies. From the start of the next semester, I made a resolution…! I decided to study and made a sincere attempt in that direction, but that didn’t last long. CUSAT games where about to start and selections began. The Big event enticed me. I too went, because I always wished to get a college jersey. The first day was quite ok; however, I came back with a small leg pain. I thought it was because of playing after quite some time. On the second day, during play, I felt like I was losing consciousness and the pain was getting bad every minute. Even today, after 4 years, I don’t know how I made it to my hostel. I was taken to the nearby hospital, but the doctor failed to diagnose what was wrong with me. Two other hospitals likewise failed to relieve me off the pain I was going through. Later I was taken to Lakeshore Hospital, Ernakulam; and on 19th February 2007, I was diagnosed with Acute Compartment Muscle Necrosis Post Compartment Syndrome on my right leg. It was alarming! It took me sometime to learn that it meant a serious case of decay of tissue within the body. Things had to be done ‘real’ fast.
I underwent few surgeries to get some muscles in the back region of my leg- sort of ‘grafting’. After that, I had to learn to walk again like a small child. I lost the entire semester in college, but with the help of my close friends and classmates, I got through the year. I was given 3 months bed rest, till the next year starts in college. During the period of bed rest, I began feeling weird, irritated and frustrated, and it all ended up with me hating myself- seeing all sympathizing faces, hearing all consoling words- I felt that all around me were taking pity on me. Who can stand that…!!! I started to curse myself and GOD (I’m sorry GOD), for making me like this. I really hated to hear others say, “I know what you are going through”, when they really knew nothing about how bad and terrible I felt.
When I stepped into college life, my only aim, was to prove to myself that I am better than others, to keep myself living (sounds arrogant huh?). I was quite happy with that, but now I feel that was all vanity. It was only after encountering this new but tragic state in my life, that I started realizing things and matters I had never given a thought in life, like how short life is, how others suffer due to diseases and accidents, etc. (Life is not a bed of roses.) No one realizes anything until something happens to him. It’s really true that none have time for others. All are busy with themselves, running for glory and money- those that can vanish in the blink of an eye. Still my hatred towards GOD didn’t change, I stopped going to temples and even praying. I started to live my life in pride and anger, and I literally lost myself- who I really was.
All these feelings- despair and hatred towards GOD and all who showed sympathy towards me started to take a toll on me. I started losing concentration, becoming over dependent on others and made many mistakes, misunderstandings and hurt others. I couldn’t find any positive in anything. In this dilapidated situation of mine, I met some new friends- I should say they were GOD sent. They told me their problems and I realized that I was not the only one with problems. Everyone has problems of one kind or the other, and everyone need to live with it. I began viewing life from a new and different perceptive.
I am not writing this to tell how I got through with my problem- just wanted to tell- if there is anyone out there with any kind of problems… you need to know that… you are never alone and you should fight your circumstances with all you have and you are. I am sure that you will succeed. Also if anyone who reads this has any friend who is in pain…I request you to support him or her and do all what you can do to help him get back to life. As for me, I was blessed with close friends who helped me to get back in track and I owe everything to my GOD, friends and family for what I am now.
